Baltimore Residents Urged To Stay Indoors Until Social Progress Naturally Takes Its Course Over Next Century | The Onion – America’s Finest News Source

BALTIMORE—Calling it an emergency measure designed to ensure public safety and order, Baltimore officials held a press conference Wednesday urging all residents to stay indoors until the natural evolution of social progress takes shape over the next century. “Given the ongoing situation in our city, we ask that everyone remain within their homes for the…

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